Most everything has a pattern to it. How do you know when something is out place with that pattern? Is it a one time thing?
If someone has abruptly changed a pattern it is wise to question it. It is also wise to pay attention to what they say. If it is someone that you are close to they will make no excuses. This is the time when you have to pay close attention to how you feel.
If you wind up feeling that you question your own judgement or any other negative feelings about what they tell you it may be because it is their goal to make you feel that way. When that person is telling you to "name one instance", it is a manipulation.
If they keep things from you and tell you it's because they care about how you feel, they don't care about how you feel. To keep something from someone you care about when they are supposed to care about you is selfish and egotisical.
Don't be fooled when someone is acting out of character or has accute and marked behavior changes. When you ask them they will try to make you feel like a fool.
- Keeping things from you in the case of small but important matters
-Guilt trips eg, "how dare you don't you trust me"
-They make you question your own judgement, say you didn't see observe when you did
-Defensiveness with personal attacks
-Paying lip service (saying things they are doing and working very hard at but they're really not); tough talk etc.
The list goes on unfortunately. The reason behind all manipulation and most behavior is to control our environments. Environments is not only the place but the things that fill a place. One of the things that fill a place or our immediate awareness are people.
We only have to look at caveman. Someone will steal his food, kill his wife and children, his place in social structure. He fears loss, not having enough to eat, the weather, disease. He has to dominate in order to survive. (I doubt the part science says he has a need to pass on his genes, I think it is more to satisfy sexual desires).
As time passed to modern humans the barbaric means humans had to control their environments (violence agresson, hard work and the like) has given way to the more subtle means of domination to control fear. "The spoken word". Violence in modern societies, excluding anomic societies in the modern world, is socially unexceptable. Where do people turn? The spoken word.
It is in this way I define "manipulation" as "The spoken word used to control personal environment most often for personal gain or dominance".
There are always things people call "ideal" but they are not without their imperfections.
It is definately a "dog eat dog" world. If others want to play that game you have no choice but to play it. It's sad to say the least that when they do play it you either rule or be ruled.
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